Home > Beach, Buddhism, Monks, Thai Temples, Thailand, Travel > The removal of wisdom…

The removal of wisdom…

The day had arrived for me to have half my wisdoms removed, and we had arrived in the super clean foyer with no less than five smiley receptionists at Bangkok International Dental Centre. I was put at ease upon meeting my dentist whose rather camp lisp and gentle manner was immediately comforting. He would remove the top and bottom teeth from the left side first leaving me the right side to eat with. I will spare you the details of the bone drilling. Actually, I didn’t feel much and surprisingly the operation was less painful than a regular check up with my London dentist, whose wife ran away with a Welsh sheep farmer…

Upon leaving the operating theatre with blood stained cotton wool and drool protruding from my mouth I was surprised to find no sign of my loving boyfriend who was to be my carer for the next few days. I immediately suspected the ice cream parlour a few doors down and assumed he’d be back in no time. But time passed and I sat in the waiting area downstairs until I was called to the payment counter. Unfortunately my loving boyfriend held all the cash and as I endeavoured to explain the situation out of the right side of my mouth a security guard appeared before me. I clutched my baggie of gum speckled teeth and the weeks dose of painkillers. The image of my dentist trying to violently reinstate my teeth flashed through my head. I was asked to describe Carls appearance as heads lent forward ears obtruding as the Thai dental entourage attempted to decipher my mumbles. They managed to comprehend the words ‘red t-shirt’ and ‘Liverpool’. Luckily the security guard was a fan and had seen Carl earlier in the wrong waiting room and was able to retrieve a rather timorous boyfriend in his red Liverpool top and the cash to pay for my operation.

We got in a taxi home and with the help of a large rimmed straw I managed to consume a mango smoothy whilst compiling a list of words that would come in useful for the duration of my muteness. Inspired by recent incidents the first word on my list was ‘tw-tbag’, which I was to point to repeatedly over the next few days. Other useful phrases included ‘get me ice-cream’, ‘nice kitty’ and ‘painkillers please’.

Although my face looked like an oddly shaped freckled rugby ball, the pain wasn’t too adverse and the bleeding stopped rather quickly. We decided to take a bus and boat the next day to Koh Chang, an island on the east coast of Thailand and only 5 hours from Bangkok. This hilly jungle clad island was a beautiful place to unwind and recover. Although it was ‘off-season’ the sun still shone and bars still pumped out music to the few travellers who wanted to listen.

The thin stretches of golden sands and tranquil blue seas would rival any of Thailand’s best, and the wild jungle encroaching onto the beach only added to its charm. One of our favourite pastimes was to swim out into the calm blue sea and admire the picture perfect scenery on land. We moved hotels a few times and finally found a quiet place away from the Thai trance. We met an Asian forest scorpion, a big black creature who seemed to wave to us with his pincers as he shuffled amongst the grass. I decided that I wanted to stroke it but Carl advised against my endeavour citing a few too many pain killers, so I just waved back ‘Sawadee Kaa Scorpion’!

Our time on Koh Chang was short lived, as six days later we had to return to Bangkok for my stitches to be removed and for more to arrive in place of my remaining wisdom.

This time I was less nervous, but this time the dentist knew I was not coming back for more. Was it my imagination or had his lisp suspiciously subsided? This operation hurt more and I was forced to use the first word on my list to inform the dentist what I thought upon exiting. As my first wounds had healed so well the dentist informed me that I could return four days later to have these stitches removed so we decided to spend some time in Bangkok.

We hung out in Bangkok’s well kept Santichaiprakan park, shopped in the mammoth Chatuchak market and walked the streets surrounding Samsen Rd and the various opulent Wats. Orange robbed monks loitered, bartering with sellers, smoking cigarettes and praying. Carl cashed in on my need for cold soft substances by depriving me of the last bites of my glorious ice cream Sunday lunch and we met a man who was inexplicably sticking penis shaped wooden objects to an obscure wooden article. He wasn’t able to explain but was happy to let us take a picture. I guessed his wisdoms had also been confiscated.


One evening I sent Carl out to get me something soft to eat and he returned with a yoghurt and a perplexed smile upon his face. He informed me that as he was walking down the street our hotel was on, he was called over by a local Thai woman and her friends who were sitting at the hotel-come-bar-come-dive a few doors down. ‘When you walk why you go like this?’ she asked making a side to side motion with her hands. ‘I see you before and wanted to know.’ Carl a little embarrassed assumed that she was ridiculing his lopsided walk (one leg is longer than the other which causes a slight bounce). She clarified, ‘no your pee pee go like this, side to side’, again the hand motion. Her friends were laughing to which Carl clutched his balls with one hand and replied that he had no boxers on and some rather thin material trousers. Upon telling me the story he sought to blame the ‘promiscuous Thai woman’ citing that he never had this problem in India. I insisted that he wore boxers the next day but still as we walked past the group of ladies they made the side to side motion with their hands giggling and telling me I was lucky lucky…

We had grown to love Bangkok despite it’s promiscuity and we didn’t seem to tire of the different Wats, markets and streets filled with insanity. Frozen chocolate dipped bananas on sticks made great toys for the lady boys; old Westerners living in an era long gone meander the bars and traveller streets, whilst fashionable contemporary Thai youngsters sip their ice coffees near by. If you ever find yourself in Bangkok with time on your side then the best pastime is by far people watching. And wear underwear.


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